8 September

Happy Mooncake Festival peeps!

It's the once a year celebration with your loved ones. Hope i can eat "Tuan Yuan Fan" with my families too...instead of being here..... (decipher the connotation)

Seriously, i am sick of people thinking about themselves only. I know i depend on you, I know i have to rely on you, but it does not mean that you are being given the authority to show and say whatever you want to me or us. It just does not justify. Sometimes i just know things, but i dont say it out, because i dont want to.

Another kind of people making me feel sick is those people who only remember me when they need me. When i dont have any use to them, i am just someone they can ignore as easily as ignoring a stray cat. But when i am needed, they would approach me to satisfy their needs.

And some people like to take other's good deed as granted. You thought they would remember you but no. They won't. Never. They just take it as granted and not even a single thank you is said to you.


So, my advice is "Stay away from these people whenever you have the chance. Stay Away."

6 August

Wow! Just saw that my last entry was on 21 May...WTF..so long ago....i bet this blog is suffering from lack of care and love...Lol..

Am undergoing internship at the moment, and the 30-days are finally coming to an end two days after. Still have piles of works to be done but never to be prioritized by me...yup, the lazy bum...

Anyway, it's Hari Raya now and hopefully everyone has a great Raya this year...Wishing for the best for myself too. XD

Here's a photo with no relation at all....longing for a great life!

Just another entry

Haven't been updating for succchh a long time...well, i was/am busied by trivial thingy...too  much stuffs going on here and there...time passed like "zoop"...maybe Potter did his magic..Puff!haha...well....go back to the reality.....DRUMROLLS.....yay...final year~did I say this before?Nah...watever..

This year has been a lot of thinking for me...a lot of questioning...a lot of Yes/No decisions...i was always stuck in the grey zone, not knowing what was the best for myself...well..i will be facing those confusing questions in the vague future...too much...too much...

I have been thinking...what should I do? Pursuing a realm of unreachable? or stop pursuing and stay low....stay on where everyone around is hoping me to stay...where life is nothing but a secured job. (p/s: I called it a job as i havent found my vocation yet). As of now, i haven't received the calling...well...not exactly the calling by God...by the way, my God is Buddha... whatever you call it, i have yet to find the voice inside myself that tells me to chase after something. As of now, I am just stepping my foot into everything to find my path...

Where is my path? sometimes, it gets brighter, sometimes, i thought i was not going to make it through...Not much time left for me to do my thinking, apparently, since it's the final year..I have to decide as soon as possible..My choice..It is the fee for growing up...

Apart from these confusions.......off topic for a while.....EXAM IS GOING ON NOW! When i am supposed to bury my head in the piles of booksssssss....I am writing an entry...cheers! It is just who I am...hahaha

Not much to say after all, just Good Luck to myself, though Luck does not help much here.

with <3 p="">evon

When life doesn't go your way, find the reason

I know i don't have it. The things everyone is talking about...but, i always try...and have been trying for such a long period.
But, it makes me feel bad when someone actually pointed it out. It is not like I am a holy being with no feeling. I know people says you need to accept constructive criticism bla bla bla...I will never say that is wrong, after all, it's from someone experienced. But, I am just not the kind.
And it made me wondered, should i hang on or let it go?
I am just another insignificant person and how should I hang on?
When what i do is always not good enough.
When what i do is always compared to someone else's.
Not knowing how to find my locus point inside, i just can't seem to content all these things...

Then, I realise i need to find "it" within myself.
Make yourself important, feel important.
Even though I don't know what's best for me, there's always a purpose of me being here. Always...I am here for a reason, things happen for a reason. I will be waiting patiently for that reason.

#onaquesttofindoutthereason

change?

When you have to be too cautious with what to do and what to say, the relationship is superficial.

This is what i thought recently, too much thinking, maybe.

Sometimes, i just want to find someone to talk to, to tell things, but apparently, it's not easy to find someone who will really be happy for you, except for families. I want to tell if i have something good going on, if i bought something new, if i have a new crush (seeing that i used "new", i always have crush on someone, haha).... but, what i have found out, not everyone can be happy for you. Some might even think that you are showing off, is it so wrong to tell your friend that you have something and wish that they would be happy for you? 

It is so hard to even talk nowadays....being ignored, passed by, made me want to stop telling, even stop talking. Yet, when i really stopped telling, i got response like "you dont even tell me". What am i supposed to do when i got ignored for telling? Is this the process of growing up and blending into the society?Being fake to ourselves? I guess it is, since we need to be good to other people, make sure that we are not hated by any.

Without any doubt, people changed, relationship changed, and I, need to change. 

JUSTBECAUSEIMMABORINGLADY

Okay, the thing is, i like to watch horror and thriller movies. But, i don't have the gut do watch. I mean, i do watch, but the subtitles and my palms. Aha.

Recently watched The Conjuring with my friend. Not in the cinema, I am sure that would be 150% more terrifying than watching it in my room with all my pillows, in a broad daylight...Kidding, just with the lights on. And I wouldn't dare to comment much as I believe i don't have the qualification to judge, based on my actions while watching it.

However, what i got from all the reviews before watching it, it was all about the Anabelle(is it even correct) doll. I was sorta anticipating the appearances of it/her but it came out as more to the possession of the witch mother. And, that's all from me. LOL

By the way, i am really proud of the director, James Wan. I bet he must have had lotsa downfalls before becoming a big hit. It's fascinating how he can make the sound effects sound so terrifying. Or it was the sound editor work? Whatever.....

Anyway, i am thinking of being more committed in anything that i do starting from now. And the first one is "Resting". AHA.

just me

Haven't logged in for some time now. Well, i was busy. NAH...it's an excuse. If i wanted to log in, i would have. Maybe it's just because i didn't have anything in particular to write. As of now, nothing. Yup, still nothing to write. But i just wanna write.

Feeling like updating about the students in school and bla bla bla...but, never mind, too much of the topic would make me sick, literally. AHA! Well, let's talk about other things.

Have you ever been so desperate to tell someone a long-kept secret and finally told that someone and it got blown? Well, i have. I was a person who trusts easily. Whenever someone has gotten my trust, i can tell everything and anything. But, i might have underestimated the way society works. To be honest, I can tell the whole world that i am proud of being able to keep the secrets people told me. Even until now, i have not spread other people's secret. (pls: if they asked me not to tell anyone. aha.) But, i am wondering if i am too naive or what. I have told somebody my secret and that secret was known by other people. I was so sad but i could not do anything. So, i've changed. Many said i changed. they said i don't answer much, always kept it to myself.

Yes, I've changed. But it's the society that changed me. I wanted to be the same person. But trust, it's not easy to give it to people anymore. So, if you think i am quieter beside you, you might be the reason.

After vomiting all these words, i feel better, at least a 0.1 percent better.

ps: I don't lie too, except for white lies. But i do bluff. haha

#life

I know clearly that some people dont like me. I can see that through the look from their eyes. Sorry to say, I am just not the kind that people will like naturally. And frankly, i like being alone and think after a long period of being with people. Having to socialise makes me tired at times.

Frankly, i am used to not having any attention and i was so so so comfortable with that. I bet not many people know that "invisible" feeling, huh. but then, it made me learn, learned a lot. It might seem a little bit fake here, as i might appear to be having quite a number of friends. but sorry to say, not much have gone into my heart. Hot on the outside yet cold on the inside.

I've tried to be likeable, but something just made me realised that i dont have to, it is enough if i just be myself. no more, no less.

By the way, i am going for teaching practise for two months soon. hope that the kids would not give me headache. I am just that short tempered.

PEOPLE!

I dont want to say this, but it has been going on for too long. And you have gone way out of line. I wonder if you ever realise that fact!

Seriously???The whole sweet thing when you are texting your watsoever Bf, and the whooly-bitchy thing when i texted to ask two questions??Come on lah, this world does not revolves around you only, not everyone has to look up to you, do not feel too good about yourself!

I dont always say people like this, but when i do, it means that you have gone overboard. If i had not known you for many years, i would just break this bond and say GOODBYE. I am not your dog to come when called and chased afterwards.

#bitch

I dont always mean it when i curse, but now, i AM!

First for April

Long long long long time didnt blog..hmm....too busy with my life...sorry for neglecting you, my blog..haha

I am having teaching practice this month, really had no time even to sleep...time flies by...next week is my last week of teaching practice...happy？sad? hmm....conflicted...the little devils are naughty, but spending time with them is quite good. At least they are better companions.

 Life is so not complicated for them. Even after i scolded them, they will still come close to me afterwards...imagine if i do that to an adult. I would be ignored for months. hahaha

By the way, imma have a trip tomorrow..Wish me the best of luck for my last observation. Yay!

Note EDU 3106 - Budaya dan Pembelajaran by feeza_nick

Stress!!I need to breathe....

It was a mistake...or it's not....with no other intention, it was just as a friend...

What the hell is happening?I hope it will not turn out badly....

It shouldn't be like this, ignorance is the best solution for now.......

March-not a great start

I haven't been writing ,lately. Too occupied with my overloaded works, i guess.

Activities come to me every second and assignments are piling up.

MEANWHILE, the issue of Sabah, which is where i am now, being intruded by the militants is not yet solved. This year is really full of unfortunate events, but hopefully, it will get better soon.

Have hope and wish for the best.

aftermath

Its passed holiday time~

Although new year is not over, i guessed everyone is back to the routine. well, gambateh.

Assignments and works are coming in piles, and me, a wearing soul waiting for them to be completed by themselves. It would be scary if it does.

Not only that, sickness is coming too....flu and slight cough, hope that it will be gone soon~

Golden Snake Year!

Hey ho!Long time didn't logged in~ guess i must have had a lot in my mind....too much works before this, well, frankly, even now i'm busy, and it's only getting busier...but i'll survive, i believe in that.

Before i forget, chinese new year is coming, hereby, I wish everyone a Prosperous and Happy New Year~It's Golden Snake year this year, well, i am not really fond of snakes, but those puppets and pictures on the angpau are too cute to resist~hahaha....well then, Have a blast new year and dont forget to go back for your Family Dinner, it's a tradition and should be held by us.:)

p/s: Drive safe on your way home.

HAPPY 2013 SNAKE YEAR! PROSPER!PROSPER!PROSPER!

sulk-me

When i think of my life, i realised that it is quite ludicrous.

Before this, I have always wanted to change, made myself a lot of promises, yet, not being able to fulfil them after all these years.

As in 2012, i promised myself to be more attentive and better, but in the end, i find that i am still stuck in this dungeon and repeating the same routine. Seriously, it is too similar to the year before. Nothing new comes in and out.

Plus, i have gotten older, and for sure, i feel weaker, just feeling like resting and forgetting about all the hardwork, assignments, whatsoever coming soon problematic thingy....It is like you know you cannot win over your laziness and "oldness".

It's only the third day of this whole new year, and i am sulking. A big sorry for you who read my entry. I might be a bit discouraging...haha

#YvonneQ

The year after 2012 apocalypse

Happy New Year to all!2013 is HERE!

And we can tell our children we lived through 2012's apocalypse, hell yeah!

I had a sudden thought, we should be grateful for whatever we have right now, after all, we lived through the end of the world, though the SUN has gotten brighter and shinier~kekeke

Havent signed in for a while, well, holiday means eating, sleeping and watching tv, as in my dictionary...haha

The people around me, my surrounding still remain the same, maybe something changes, but, not noticeable.

As for me, i tried to open my mind to be wider, trying to be wiser, hoping that i will not go back to the way i used to be...hope that everyone has this new year's resolution, being a better person, for your own self, not for the sake of anyone else. Challenge yourself to be better, not challenging others.

Well, i guess that's all for this first entry for 2013.

Live with no regret:)

habit

I always say i want to change, and it's like thousands of time.

But, it was of no success~ Not a tiny bit...

I always go back on my words, not to other people, but to myself, what i say i would not do, i will always do it. Getting there recently.

It's habit, i guess. Not so easy to change. It's fossilised. Down to the reality, might even drag it until the day i leave peacefully.

So many going on inside my mind now. Let my mind rest. At least for a few hours.

Good Day to y'all.

Deal

Realizing that things are temporary and always changing can do wonders in all areas of your life, especially when it comes to dealing with jealousy.

The monetary wealth you see a friend experiencing could be gone within a year. The relationship you witness and long for could be over within a month. The string of unfortunate circumstances you’ve been struggling with could turn around in a day.

Circumstances are constantly changing, so to spend a great deal of time and energy fretting over them or wishing for something different is, frankly, a waste.

taken from：Kayla Albert

DREAM

I have just read an inspiring story. To be honest, it's a kid's bedtime story. Too bored with my life, i guess.

I was really inspired by it. It portrayed the perfect sceptical view through a kid's story.

Well, it says,

Can you imagine, there's a place where people don't dream. There's a place where people don't believe in flying unicorns, colourful horses, laughing dinosaurs.

They only dream of a fancy car, chairs that match their tablecloth. They don't dare to dream.

#Seriously, we live in a world filled with realistic things, work, school, salary, assignments, until we all forgot how to dream, as we were in childhood.

I used to dream of getting a tiger, but as i grow up, i forgot about that. Reality strikes me.

Just a thought for yourself. Do you call your dream a dream?

Till next time, tata:)