Superfluous 2

i dont know why i am writing this...

tomorrow need to wake up early yet i am loitering here

maybe because starting from tomorrow...

i have one week holiday...yoohoo

though i am not indian, i celebrate deepavali in my own way~

i am waiting for something...

i dont really know what thing...

just something that can sparkle in my dull life....

well...happy holiday everyone:)

Insincerity

i wonder something~

is it true that guys like to double date??

it is not really my matter, but i feel angry for those girls who are being lied by their so called BOYFRIENDS.

well, i have an example,

there is this guy, who is blatantly having a girlfriend outside the college,

but dating with another girl in this college.

what does that mean?  i think this is unfair and degrading the values of woman.

who is the one who does the wrong thing?

the guy? or the "intruder" of the relationship?

the guy might be wrong, for being tempted to cheat on his girlfriend.

but, the "intruder", either she is "SOT2" or she's deprived of love.

well, both answers make me sympathize her...

why did i say that she is "SOT2"???

well, a girl who knows that the guy has another girl, a relationship and still wants to be with him~what do we call that....erm.....you know, i know...

and deprived of love, yes, most probably, when we are living in this small community with the ratio of 1:5

male and female.

but, i dont understand how can a girl just throw away her dignity or pride whatsoever just like this...

i guess a woman chauvinist like me will never understand~

another ludicrous matter~

someone did something really stupid...

well.....siapa makan cili, dialah rasa pedas, not like the pedas in MAGGI (yummy), but the spiciness that burns out from inside to outside, from heart to lungs and to every parts of the body.....huahuahua....

i think i am getting crazy...

you know what~that  someone knows what she did and got nervous over some trivial matter, and thus, busied herself thinking and justifying herself.....haha, FUNNY~

well, think before you act~now, your "ekor" is exposed....you are trying to hide it, but the swollen part is getting bigger.....and the truth is nearer to us~

AHA! i know what is the title for this entry...

INSINCERITY!

both stories share the same thing...being insincere will only give you bad things... KARMA...i believe in it~as i am a BUDDHIST....

AMITABHA~

I HOPE THAT THEY CAN TURN OVER A NEW LEAF, FIND A NEW DIRECTION IN LIFE! DON'T LIVE LIKE THIS, IT'S PATHETIC ~

Superfluous

sometimes, i just need to be ALONE.

not because of anything, anyone, any matter.

just sometimes, i need a space of my own.

without other people disturbing, without other voices in my head.

i dont know why~

my heart just feels like doing so.

ignoring everyone, pretending to not hear anything, acting as if i dont care about anything.

even if i'm being asked something,

act as if i dont know the answer, even if i knew,

and i dont feel like explaining anything,

even if being misunderstood.

i guess this is the only time i can be myself.

the only time when i can cry as hard, as loud as i want.

the only time i can scream not only in my heart.

the only time i dont need to act like a saint in front of people.

the only time i can pull off my MASK.

i am tired of the happy faces.

why should i be so happy in front of people?

CAMOUFLAGE.

as though as i have no other emotions other than happiness.

hiding my true self. 

the one who likes loneliness.

the one who hide in my "happy faced" silhouette.

the one that is only shown in front of my family.

i felt like a clown.

pretending in front, smiling in front, and dying inside~

when can i be free?

AFTERLIFE! i guess.

i am a bit concern about myself.

am i losing my mind? am i?

i dont know, but cant be, isn't it?

i am still normal. i think.....