Just another entry

Haven't been updating for succchh a long time...well, i was/am busied by trivial thingy...too  much stuffs going on here and there...time passed like "zoop"...maybe Potter did his magic..Puff!haha...well....go back to the reality.....DRUMROLLS.....yay...final year~did I say this before?Nah...watever..

This year has been a lot of thinking for me...a lot of questioning...a lot of Yes/No decisions...i was always stuck in the grey zone, not knowing what was the best for myself...well..i will be facing those confusing questions in the vague future...too much...too much...

I have been thinking...what should I do? Pursuing a realm of unreachable? or stop pursuing and stay low....stay on where everyone around is hoping me to stay...where life is nothing but a secured job. (p/s: I called it a job as i havent found my vocation yet). As of now, i haven't received the calling...well...not exactly the calling by God...by the way, my God is Buddha... whatever you call it, i have yet to find the voice inside myself that tells me to chase after something. As of now, I am just stepping my foot into everything to find my path...

Where is my path? sometimes, it gets brighter, sometimes, i thought i was not going to make it through...Not much time left for me to do my thinking, apparently, since it's the final year..I have to decide as soon as possible..My choice..It is the fee for growing up...

Apart from these confusions.......off topic for a while.....EXAM IS GOING ON NOW! When i am supposed to bury my head in the piles of booksssssss....I am writing an entry...cheers! It is just who I am...hahaha

Not much to say after all, just Good Luck to myself, though Luck does not help much here.

with <3 p="">evon

When life doesn't go your way, find the reason

I know i don't have it. The things everyone is talking about...but, i always try...and have been trying for such a long period.
But, it makes me feel bad when someone actually pointed it out. It is not like I am a holy being with no feeling. I know people says you need to accept constructive criticism bla bla bla...I will never say that is wrong, after all, it's from someone experienced. But, I am just not the kind.
And it made me wondered, should i hang on or let it go?
I am just another insignificant person and how should I hang on?
When what i do is always not good enough.
When what i do is always compared to someone else's.
Not knowing how to find my locus point inside, i just can't seem to content all these things...

Then, I realise i need to find "it" within myself.
Make yourself important, feel important.
Even though I don't know what's best for me, there's always a purpose of me being here. Always...I am here for a reason, things happen for a reason. I will be waiting patiently for that reason.

#onaquesttofindoutthereason

change?

When you have to be too cautious with what to do and what to say, the relationship is superficial.

This is what i thought recently, too much thinking, maybe.

Sometimes, i just want to find someone to talk to, to tell things, but apparently, it's not easy to find someone who will really be happy for you, except for families. I want to tell if i have something good going on, if i bought something new, if i have a new crush (seeing that i used "new", i always have crush on someone, haha).... but, what i have found out, not everyone can be happy for you. Some might even think that you are showing off, is it so wrong to tell your friend that you have something and wish that they would be happy for you? 

It is so hard to even talk nowadays....being ignored, passed by, made me want to stop telling, even stop talking. Yet, when i really stopped telling, i got response like "you dont even tell me". What am i supposed to do when i got ignored for telling? Is this the process of growing up and blending into the society?Being fake to ourselves? I guess it is, since we need to be good to other people, make sure that we are not hated by any.

Without any doubt, people changed, relationship changed, and I, need to change.